ATTENTION, CITIZENS OF THE INTERNET. Effective immediately, kevinkatovic.com has raised its HOME-land Security Advisory level from GUARDED to ELEVATED.

Suspicious activity report

At 12:39 a.m. Pacific on October 15, 2026, our perimeter sensors detected suspicious activity from 39.35.219.245, an Android phone on a home broadband line in Pakistan. It arrived, looked around for about ten seconds, and left without saying goodbye. Nobody visits at 12:39 a.m. with good intentions. Not even the raccoons.

The address has been entered into the official logbook, which is a text file, and the response team, which is me, has been placed on high alert.

Militant about the HOME front

Let me be clear: this website is militant about monitoring the situation on the HOME front. Every visit is logged. Every ping is judged. The coffee is strong and the eyebrows are furrowed.

Why the HOME front? Look at how Canadian internet providers name their customers’ connections. A Rogers home line reverse-resolves to something like pool-99-230-10-1.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com. That CPE stands for customer premises equipment: the modem sitting in somebody’s HOME. Back in the Rogers@Home days, cable addresses literally ended in home.com. In many cases the internet tells you exactly where the threat lives. It lives at HOME.

What you should do

• Remain calm. Continue scrolling.
• If you see something, say something in the comments.
• Do not feed the bots after midnight.

The level will return to GUARDED once the situation is resolved, or once I find the snacks.

This is parody. kevinkatovic.com is not affiliated with the U.S. Department of Homeland Security or any government agency. The colour meter is a joke version of the 2002–2011 Homeland Security Advisory System.