Humour. Everything in this “case file” is a joke about a book. No real police, courts or charges are involved, and nobody is accused of anything except being a very good read.

Attention all units. As the self-appointed lead detective (and chief fan), I am officially elevating the case of The Orbit We Share, the debut novel by Michelle Guesinger. The suspect is a 348-page paperback. It has been at large on Lulu for far too long, and it keeps slipping past bookstore shelves like it has somewhere better to be.

The case file

• Subject: The Orbit We Share, paperback, ISBN 978-1-291-65389-2.
• Known aliases: “Nowhere Near Perfect”, “50 Shades of Pay”, “Csec by Barley Mowat”.
• Last seen: lulu.com, and in the Comox Valley, where the story is set.
• Status: ELEVATED. Too good to stay off shelves.

Known M.O.

Investigators have identified a clear pattern. The suspect lures readers in with two inseparable Vancouver Island teenagers, splits them up with one misunderstanding, then waits ten years and traps them together in a coastal cabin during a Pacific storm. Witnesses report losing whole evenings. Several were found at 2 a.m. still turning pages.

Prior “offences”

• Keeping readers up past midnight, 348 counts.
• Romance in the first degree.
• Aggravated astrophysics.
• Making grown adults miss their bus stop.

A word on photographing the suspect

Officers are warned: this book moves fast. Lend it to a friend and you will never get a good look at it again. If you spot a copy in the wild, photograph it quickly, preferably face-out on a bookstore shelf, and send it straight to the author’s biggest fan.

The warrant

After careful review by the Court of Public Reading (me, at my kitchen table), a book warrant has been issued. It has no legal force whatsoever, but it is very sincere.

Booksellers across Canada and the United States are hereby asked, nicely, to apprehend a few copies at store level and hold them face-out until a reader claims them. Bail is set at the cover price. Book clubs are authorized to assist.

How the public can help

• Order a copy on Lulu.
• Ask your local bookstore to stock it. Quote the ISBN: 978-1-291-65389-2.
• Leave a review, so other readers know what they are dealing with.

This case will stay elevated until the book is a household name. I expect a full confession of love from every reader by chapter three.