Waterboarding is as common as Pizza

Complex instruction manual on how to waterboard someone. First of all why would anyone betray the Country they were born in for pizza? What is treason exactly. People will do anything when they are being tortured either mentally or physically just so the torture stops. How dumb would you have to be might be the question and if the interrogator becomes so callus and cruel to life you might become so scared at the incompetence you might pass out.

Detailed Instructions on how to Waterboard Follows your going to need the following:

  • Cloth Rag
  • 4L jug of water
  • 8ft x 3ft Plywood board
  • 30 feet of boat mooring soft nylon round rope
  • Sharp Knife
  • 16 Plastic Yellow Milk Crates
  • 4 Bouncers (Various Bars)
  • Any Chair (Prefers Sturdy)
  • 4 Restraining Straps for arms and legs
  • Large Room with 1 way glass (prefers a 10ft x30 Ft Glass Panel)
  • 5 Star Hotel
  • Diamond Applicator
  • Syringe of various chemical that induces vomiting
  • 1 drill with 1/2 inch bit
  • 1 jigsaw with blade

Follow the instructions don’t cheat this is clearly how you waterboard a terrorist.net

Find a Agent from the Cia ” Obviously Duhhhh ” now your going to waterboard the ” New Agent ” and install the ” Nanites ” . Typically the agent was a tourist and did something what may of been harmless that landed him into custody with a foreign government. This is a complicated process. (dont tell her that)

Your new (CIA) agent could be anyone well that was unfortunate enough to be in the US at the time the harmless crime occured. It’s clear to me that the RCMP doesn’t give a shit about white collar crimes so I might be needed during this verification process. Since I am Canadian I could never be anything related to the CIA so take me at my word this is clearly how you waterboard a CIA agent.

Your going to need a jail sentence over 4 weeks to get the proper agents in place and that might be tricky since if your getting over 4 weeks in prison for a harmless crime already we know this process is 100x more cruel to you than a average person.

This doesn’t make you a super human it just makes you a person that obviously was being made a example of by people that worhip a book of mans laws that don’t always make sense.

Where Was I?

Oh yeah your going to need drugs too fuck me I forgot.

Ok now I don’t know the reason that got you to this point but your going to start with this one that lied and got me caught. Punch this useless cunt in the head until he/orshe is unconscious if it takes two that’s just the fucking way it goes. Next your going to inject this chemical to induce vomiting into there stomach area. Typically is a VERY LARGE SYRINGE WITH GREEN FLUID! Hopefully they see this and arn’t unconscious at this point. Now this is kind of a gray area you might need to inject the fluid then drag the victim like a fucking idiot by the ankles for no reason. Are you a complete fucking idiot when in some cases I might require someone as stupid as you in a hospital setting.

Ok where was I owe yes. Now we are going to interrogate a particularly nice young man or woman under 30 and recruit them into the cia without them knowing we are injecting something into there system that will allow us to take and capture images from there eyes to improve national security. Christ please laugh if you agree this is a good idea. Stay safe?

Now this happens 4 hours approx before the interrogation. Get the 4 bouncers (my best guys) to stack the milk crates stacked one on top of another in a 8 ft by 3 foot panel 2 x 8 placements evenly spaced with room for movement. Place the plywood evenly on top of the milk crates staked two high. Take the drill and drill four holes two inches from the edges of the plywood about 1 foot from the top and bottom of the plywood. Take the jigsaw and cut a oval hole in the plywood enought to allow the rope through the plywood and your going to need to do this four times so that in the end there are 4 oval holes in the plywood allowing the rope to pass through the plywood to secure ” THE VICTIM ” and I am clear about this……you will be joining….. to secure the arms and legs.

You still aren’t ready for the victim fuck me you haven’t even got the 80ft x 160 ft square foot room ready for interrogation.

Ok well from here on this happens fast.

Knock this bitch or bastard the fuck out. Place them on the board, take the 30 ft nylon rope under the bottom of the board starting at the top right part of the board under the bottom loop the rope over the wrist multiple times over the wrist then down through the bottom of the board over the top then over the head/neck/chest to the ” Left ” not right side of ” the body “. Repeat the same for the left side your left not my left. Secure your left side the victim’s right side wrist multiple times. Now down in a “DIA”agnal secure the ankles with the rope applying the multiple wraps on the ankle then straight across to the opposite ankle. End this with a knot on the end of the victims ankle and board and open hole securing them securely to the board.

Ok now you got this Bastard/Bitch exactly where you want them. Hopefully you did this perfectly and they are still completely unconscious and still secured to the board. Wait for them to naturally regain consciousness and realize there situation. Now your going to ask them the most important question you wanted to ask them which you as a agent prepared for maybe years in advance. If they answer in the correct fashion in other words how you want them to respond you do not continue if not heres what you do.

Now your going to have to knock them the fuck out for real if they don’t respond properly. Now if they aren’t unconscious yet again knock this god dam fucking moron out for good.

Patiently wait for them to regain consciousness then say this exactly and this is the most important thing in this entire article. ” YOU MADE A BIG MISTAKE SAY YES YOU IDIOT” now put the rag over the face and mouth if they try to resist yet again ” They probably will ” .

Now say the following words exactly with the same soul ” WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM DO YOU FUCKING AGREE DUMBASS”. Obviously this is a personal interrogation and your alone so maybe you understand where I am going with this.

Fuck it knock that bastard/Bitch the fuck out yet again and place the rag over there face now that there unconscious and put the rag over there face nose and mouth. Pour the water from the 4/L water container over the rag the total face nose and mouth saturating the rag.

PERFECT!

Has it been more than 2 minutes before you realize they might be grasping for there last breath? ” Sadly let them breathe “

Let them take excatly 3 breaths if they take more than 4 put that fucking rag over there face so fucking fast it makes Jesus Christ blush. Now secure there god dam head with the other 4 bouncers I sent you to make sure your going to win this time. If your 4 friend abandon you at this time it means murder might be sadly in your future.

” It was hard to get it in the C4R”

” 8 Million OFF YOU FUCKING MUTHER FUCKERS!”

I don’t know what you going to do with the victim?

How many times have I kicked you outta here? I can ” CUT ” you into CSIS