I don't seem to hold onto anything long

Never write angry. A day later I grabbed my cheerful coffee
after sleeping in too long and strategized my next plan of attack. Maybe it would be a temporary job 600 miles away. Who knows. Will the limo show up for me after I’d done. So many questions roll around in my head right now and did roll around in my head then. I can’t do that but I did. I thought to myself then and now. Fuck you. Seems like the only thing I could say at the moment. I really am not angry in the slightest as I am forced out on my own yet again by someone that owns everything. That’s basically the problem. I own nothing. Its not that I am wasteful or incompetent but I just never have enough coming in to look after myself and never save enough money for things. That’s basically the problem. If I am given a job quickly its taken away as people don’t write me a check to honor but these days look for the optimum account to easy transactions. I wish I knew what type works the best. I think maybe the most ignorant of banks would be idle for factory jobs. Maybe you can’t deposit factory pay into a account labeled high earning technology stocks. Maybe somewhere someone is trying to make a fool of me sabotaging every effort I get to earn due to the fact eventually whatever it is I am going to win, settle or receive as funds will destroy his or her way of life.
Take care my son take care. Lets not get intomore of where money comes from or the fact I have lived with my parents nearly my entire life. Its a rural area in Union Bay, BC not many people perhaps 400 people. Nearly the entire population is made up of seniors. A small segment is over 50 under 65 and I seem to be about the only one left other than the guy’s cousin I body slammed outside the
elementary school. The fact that I am unique and own nothing still
seems to separate me from the others. You have the firefighters, the
logging guys, the hockey players, the financial gurus and then you have me. Losing every penny I ever earn from jobs going to pay for the
firefighters, the logging guys, the hockey players, and the financial
gurus. I don’t seem to hold onto anything long as stocks seemed like
such a good idea. I like the Chinese sometimes. They have a good grasp on things. Everything is 200-400 dollars every two weeks no matter how much damage was done. Unless your Japanese which I think I would basically equate to in Asian terms I think. Am I being controlled militaristically by some hidden Chinese general which never values my service and makes me take hand financially keeping a 0 balance at all times and deemed expendable. I quit he was a alcoholic and was disgusting. I couldn’t stand the smell and sickness in the container. Not everything about my life is cliche” but for the most part I think I am too many things to too many people.
My mother has always been there for me and I consider her all I have as far as reasonable conversation. At least she listens to what I have to say. Sadism is one of the sickest forms of illness of the mind and untreatable. How can you treat purely evil tendencies or thoughts or happiness from someone elses pain. Again blame is awarded to me as its my fault for living here. Well I have also seen what happens when I leave. I can’t live my life like that knowing that is not respect but manipulation. All my other family members give up on him and go
for the easy solution agreeing with him whether they believe in the words leaving there mouths or not. I will never devalue myself or my integrity with lies. I make a awful psychologist. Avoidance and no medication. My grandfather died at a early age. I have no grand parents left. Apparently he looked after them so well they are all dead. Wow what a awful thing to say. Someone being so pig headed that eventually you could be frustrated to death and your heart so heavy frustrated and mournful at the denial of truth it stops beating. I would hate to be a part in this study 40 years of its enough. Human beings have a amazing tolerance for pain and sadness but at what point do you give up.

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