Bad Sex. Nothing is more annoying than a poor sex performance. I know what your thinking. Sure its bad grammar but poor sexual performance just doesn’t align well in my title. Now before I get into this too deeply please all my relatives if your reading this don’t continue.
Now I am not saying I am a professional sexual partner or a guru of sex but I think I ” Know what works “. I have a unique living arrangement now since I have moved from my last place six or so months ago and now find myself critiquing sex. Don’t get me wrong ladies I am still not getting any but my roommates are! Good for them I mean never belittle the situation but I have a unique situation yet again. I’m surrounded by sex now upstairs in the home above my room and multiple partners down the hall. I can’t help hearing all the sounds that go along with sex and that being clapping, menial grunts and groans and the encouragement aspect of it all. Since I can’t help hearing it now I feel its my job to write a post and critique it.
Its bad enough having one roommate doing it but now I have another one that comes over with another partner once in awhile. I feel my home is turning into a brothel now. But first lets get to the generalities of the situation.
All three ladies are faking it. And that’s my unprofessional opinion. So lets start with the upstairs neighbors too since that’s keeping me up the most. I can’t get to sleep all last night but not to sex but to the sounds of someone turning the tap on and off every 15 to 45 minutes. Now going by my experience and I am going by averages I should only have to suffer this 45 minutes or at best 1 hr 15 minutes at the longest. Now I suggest that these guys no offense are all wasting the lovely ladies time after the first 15 minutes. You have read long enough now lets over simplify this GUYS TALK TO YOUR MATE! If your not talking in her ear with some utter dirty hog wash your wasting the courts time. Women are not guys I can only speak for myself but they take time to warm up. You don’t just fire that car up and drive off. You don’t have to start talking immediately I suggest guys have at least two orgasms before even attempting conversation. If your tired of wasting time three but if your anything like me your going to have 7-10 so who cares if she even has one right! What does it matter. Perhaps your partners english! Maybe she thinks that elevated excited is the best she can do and thinks that’s what a orgasm is.
IF your not crossing the swords your wasting the courts time! Again your going to need KY too because your going to win this time and shes going to achieve if you are smart about application too. Again no sense slapping a liter of oil in the motor cold. Well above me its most entertaining. I believe its fake because of the speed forgive the pun. It sounds over played and over done, not even 10 minutes into it and shes playing to the crowd like it happened. Now give me a break after 15 minutes agreed stuff is starting to happen but now that’s when the dirty talk should be happening and the short fast strokes completely exiting your partner with the KY. Don’t mess this up start early dude. Shes playing for the audience that quick you should too. You should be able to find the G-Spot missionary style eventually if you use short fast strokes , lubrication , and talking dude. Why are these guys so quiet? They are just wasting time. I will present a questionnaire next week critiquing the roommates performance hopefully more that quiet unutterable visceral groans dude that’s not enough. Well I could go on but I’m tired. And according to this the sex above is so good she has 3 in 45 minutes! Sure I would be in the 7 to 9’s but your just not me and well lets face it to me your a top that spins this third spin is crucial it dictates whether the next six are all more me time or one good round for her.
That is all I have way more to share but I’m tired I been typing for 45 minutes. Sorry. I had 7 good paragraphs and I don’t think you enjoyed anything but I guess I am in my twenties wasting your time again because NO ONE TOLD ME THIS! Your so lucky to be reading this. TALK! SHORT AND FAST! Nothing is going to come from doggy slapping that girl for hours your wasting the courts time. Unfortunately genuine talk , missionary , short and fast and lube. That is all. You should cross swords and the heavens will part and shine the light on her head. ( Then she will leave you if shes young they all do ).